What if plants could talk?
I’ll tell you what if because I’ve been thinking about it for the last 20 minutes.
Trees would be the chillest. You could always depend on trees to say something that would make you feel better because of their aged wisdom. Trees would be like that guy whose coolness makes him funny. He never says jokes, you just feel obligated to laugh at what he says whenever he flashes that smile that says, “you may laugh now”. Just an extra embellishment- the thicker the tree, the deeper the voice, and the thinner the tree, the more asian the accent.
Flowers would be the ones that care about the superficial things, but are completely content in doing so. There would be a few breeds of flower that would try to search for something deeper by talking to the trees, but they would be few and far in between. The flowers would always be concerned about their appearance. Flowers before blossom would be the equivalent of a bad hair day, except for months at a time. Before the flowers blossomed they wouldn’t talk to anyone because they would be too worried about what people thought of them, thinking that they had nothing to offer. Flowers would also be the gossip queens of the plant kingdom, which I feel almost goes without saying. The only plant that flowers wouldn’t gossip about would be the tree, but if any plant that only had green pigmentation was around, they would get absolutely ripped on by the flowers (“like, did you see the ivy? Yeah, lazy much.. can’t even get one other color besides green on his leaf. Ugh, makes me sick”).
Ivy would be the fake friend that just befriends others just to get their things. Ivy is the gold-digger of the plant world. Ivy would come over to say hello to the flowers (gossiping unbeknownst to him) and when they would talk back to it, it would say, “oh well, I guess I’ll stay here then, if we’re talking and all”. After that area was taken over, the ivy would push, yet again. No one would really enjoy the ivy because it would get way too clingy, and plants would have quite enough of its presence because it was way too talkative but would have to suffer through it until humans interfered. Poison ivy would be the dirty whore of the plant world, trying to infect humans with its gross diseased existence, and all of the other plants would openly insult poison ivy. Even the tree would say to poison ivy, “uncool, man”, and that meant a lot coming from the tree.
That’s about it, so far. Just a little glimpse into my thoughts this morning.